A Pilgrim’s Odyssey

Finding Room For Love And Forgiveness

John of Kronstadt, a Russian priest who lived in the 1800s, said the following:

"The purer the heart is, the larger it is, and the more able it is to find room within it for a greater number of beloved ones; whilst the more sinful it is, the more contracted it becomes, and the smaller number of beloved can it find room for, because it is limited by self-love, and that love is a false one. We love ourselves in objects unworthy of the immortal soul – in silver and gold, in adultery, in drunkenness, and such like."

When I’m at my worse, that is exactly how I feel. Like I don’t have room for anything except for my own worries and passions. What a lonely place to be. If we can find room to love, the room gets bigger and we are not alone.

I’ve learned this from our large family. There has never been any sense of “there isn’t enough love to go around” it just seems to get bigger. There is always enough room for loving each other.

Learn And Grow, Ignore Or Fade Away

Our week in Springfield, MO for Homeschool Basketball Nationals has ended. As always, it wrung every bit out of us, the glorious and the heartbreaking. While ready for the season to be over, we can't wait for next year.

Lessons this week, as always, come from the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. We learn that life is journey of things we can control and things we can’t.

Do we grow from it, or do we fail to learn from these lessons?

Do the failures make us smarter and stronger, do we reflect on the victories and how we achieved them?

As I try to keep my eyes open to change and for my own opportunities to learn from mistakes, I always seem to go back to the the vision of life I had as kid. The world looked so big through the small lenses of a boy growing up in rural Indiana. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when I was older, wiser, and richer. But for most people, the world only seems to get smaller. Why? They never learn to embrace the knowledge losses can bring us.

I Was Mad, So I Crawled

This week we’ve been talking about forgiveness, bravery, and doing the right thing.

Someone close to me just relayed, “I was so mad, I went to church to get over it. But it took effort.”

They were mad and overwhelmed and knew it was not a good place to be. But they went to church in the middle of the week, and it took effort.

"Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to."

Overcoming anger, finding the heart to forgive, is a narrow way. It is a door that truly few will enter. But to live, you must enter. The biggest lock on the door is our own ego.

You’ve heard Proverbs 16:8 -  "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." But do we live it?

Ego and pride, not forgiving or being overwhelmed by anger, lead to destruction. Going through the narrow door, even if it means falling to the floor and crawling, leads to life.

Into The Tree Line

We’ve been talking about forgiveness, and forgiveness can be scary. And very often, just doing the right thing is scary.

Let me tell you a story today about doing the right thing, even when you know just how much danger you are putting yourself in.

"Sergeant First Class, Jerry M. "Mad Dog" Shriver was a legendary Green Beret. He was a platoon leader with Command and Control South, MACV-SOG.  A joint service high command unconventional warfare task force engaged in highly classified operations throughout Southeast Asia. The teams performed deep penetration missions of strategic reconnaissance and interdiction which were called, depending on the time frame, "Shining Brass" or "Prairie Fire" missions.

On the morning of April 24, 1969, Shriver's hatchet platoon was air assaulted into Cambodia by four helicopters. Upon departing the helicopter, the team had begun moving toward its initial target point when it came under heavy volumes of enemy fire from several machine gun bunkers and entrenched enemy positions estimated to be at least a company-sized element.

Shriver was last seen by the company commander, Capt. Paul D. Cahill, as Shriver was moving against the machine gun bunkers and entering a tree line on the southwest edge of the LZ with a trusted Montagnard striker. Capt.Cahill and Sgt. Ernest C. Jamison, the platoon medical aidman, took cover in a bomb crater. Cahill continued radio contact with Shriver for four hours until his transmission was broken and Shriver was not heard from again. It was known that Shriver had been wounded 3 or 4 times. An enemy soldier was later seen picking up a weapon which appeared to be the same type carried by Shriver.

Shriver was never seen or heard from again. He was listed as missing in action. No trace of SFC was ever found." From Vietnam War Stories

Men and women like Sergeant First Class Shriver inspire me to overcome my fears. To face my demons and battle them. To walk into the darkness because it’s the right thing to do, knowing, that in this life, you are not always rewarded for doing the right thing.

May Sergeant First Class, Jerry M. "Mad Dog" Shriver memory be eternal. May you face your fears, find forgiveness in your heart, and live your life moving forward.

The Psychology of Forgiveness

Yesterday, we talked about forgiveness and its power to free us, and its necessity for following closer to God.

Now, have you forgiven someone yet? Does your heart have any dark corners?

And it’s not just the good book folks.

Consider the following from Harvard Health:

"Forgiving a person who has wronged you is never easy, but dwelling on those events and reliving them over and over can fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger," says Dr. Tyler VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. "Yet, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free."

There are two sides to forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness involves a conscious choice to replace ill will with good will. "You no longer wish bad things to happen to that individual," says Dr. VanderWeele. "This is often quicker and easier to accomplish."

For emotional forgiveness, you move away from those negative feelings and no longer dwell on the wrongdoing. "Emotional forgiveness is much harder and takes longer, as it's common for those feelings to return on a regular basis," says Dr. VanderWeele. "This often happens when you think about the offender, or something triggers the memory, or you still suffer from the adverse consequences of the action."

Practicing forgiveness can have powerful health benefits. Observational studies, and even some randomized trials, suggest that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility; reduced substance abuse; higher self-esteem; and greater life satisfaction. Yet, forgiving people is not always easy.

How do forgive people you don’t think you can? The good book has some advice. Pray.

Mark 11:25

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Free Yourself And Forgive

Yesterday, we celebrated Forgiveness Sunday. It is the last Sunday before my Orthodox Church begins celebrating Lent and we enter our long fast.

The highlight is forgiveness vespers where we circle around the church asking forgiveness of each of other as we remind ourselves what God and Christ has done for us.

We ask: "Forgive me a sinner."

And then the reply: "God forgives, forgive me."

It is a powerful service. It is people you see every week all year coming to a deeper communion with each other as we ask forgiveness, and a time for family to heal and rejuvenate.

We go through our year, not always being our best. Coveting others, anger at others, selfishness. God forgives, but do we forgive each other?

Anger and vengeance distort.

We are reminded this day, from Matthew 18:21-22:

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' "

We want the spirit of God to enter our hearts, we want to follow a higher path. Don’t let that be distorted by a lack of forgiveness. Forgive, and forgive freely.

Spring, To Life

Here is an exercise. If you are single, write down where you want to be in 5 years? If you have a family, sit down with them and ask the same thing.

Next create a process to make it happen. Restructure your life if you need to. Plant seeds that will blossom later.

Coming out of Covid and with the flowers of spring right around the corner, get yourself focused on blooming, on living. Driving away for the training I was providing in beautiful Gatlinburg, TN I was lifted up. Live!

It is so easy get hung up on day-to-day tasks. The seasons of our life can seem to drone on as nothing but gray.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:" Ecclesiastes 3:1

This reminds us, each day is an opportunity for renewal and growth. A chance to plant a seed and move forward.

Enjoy the weather, enjoy a country that is waking up after the last year, and use that energy to plant some seeds and spend a little time dreaming.

Shall We Be Blessed?

Nestled in the mountains of Tennessee, I riff on Psalm 1. Shall we be blessed, or shall we stand in judgment with the wicked?

If we delight in God, how can we ever falter?

On The Road, Because It's The Right Thing

Sometimes, doing the right thing means you have no choice but to step out into the unknown. On a long road trip this week, I was reminded of the many miles on the road that began my journey of speaking and teaching. I didn't know it at the time, but everything I do today was learned on those long and often lonely journeys, many years ago, stepping out to help veterans because something inside told me I had no other choice.

Ask Not, or Baaah!, That Is The Question

In John F Kennedy’s inaugural address he stated unequivocally:

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,”

Said by a war hero, to a nation of war heroes and the families of war heroes. A nation who had survived the depression, World War II, the Korean War, and were ready to move forward. But he and they knew how that was done, not by “government” but my people. Individuals willing to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

He didn't call us to cry out, “What are you going to do for me government?” Rather, he called us to our better angels, our values of service and heroism that bring out the best of us.

What would he say about the state of our country today. So many people screaming “SAVE ME!” The timid looking to be saved, crying out for a shepherd. One might say, an attitude that is the opposite of the American spirit.

How do we react? We react by echoing Kennedy and our brave forefathers and mothers - service, sacrifice, standing for what is good and right willing to pay any price.